I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
