I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Hippo gnu deer
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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