how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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