This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
What did we do last night that was yellow?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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