I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
