i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize