I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
