Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
should my penis look like a turkey
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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