She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
