All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
