He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
