So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
