Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I have post one night stand depression
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