well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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