The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he thought i was a dude.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
