3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
