I'm going to jail i love you
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Farmville is her only friend.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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