where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
