I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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