so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
