Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Someone signed my nipple.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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