I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Welp...herpes.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Randomize
