false alarm. still invincible.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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