Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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