I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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