Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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