We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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