Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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