Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
