I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
