You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
