Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
