dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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