If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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