evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
