I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
