Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
