my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
