I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my phone needs a breathalizer
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
