i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
