i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
