so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
