im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
