i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
