ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
