Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
