I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
