Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize