like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
