I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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