Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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