P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
