chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
