You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
you never un-have a 4some
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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