I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
