Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
