So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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