I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
