i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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