she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
