i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
