shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
