hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize