i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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