Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
