I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize