Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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