i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
