My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
