Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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