i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
