What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I will be naked everywhere
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
