If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
now i know why i became what i already was.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Randomize
