He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
True strength comes from lack of pants
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
