i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize